People Share The Most Hilariously Satisfying Gossip They Found Out About Their Ex Post Break Up

Sometimes, the sting of enduring a break up can be alleviated when you find out some oh-so sweet gossip about your ex. My bet is these people sleep well at night knowing they made it out on top post break up.

Wrapped in a Fat Suit

She gained roughly 75lbs. When she approached me I had no idea who she was. She told me and she did kind of look like the girl I once knew except wrapped in a fat suit. We ended up sitting down to the most awkward lunch ever, where she quite pathetically attempted to “get me back with her”. She ordered a bunch of food and desserts, I mean damn, literally an amount of food that would make me sick and I’m a big guy (6’1″ 190lbs). When the waiter asked I made sure he knew it would be separate tickets, she seemed kind of pissed about that. She mentioned she shouldn’t have eaten so much and I just laughed when she said she couldn’t afford to pay for her meal. I paid my ticket, told her good luck and walked away, I swear she muttered “real men love curves” as I walked away. (Source)

Voted Her Off the Island

Messy Breakup. She was dating my friends, sleeping with me, and caused all of us to split up. Mind you she had moved to my hometown (California) with me from Texas, so the fact that she was able to do this was shocking to all of us. We all met, talked about how she was tearing us apart, then agreed to no longer let her stay at any of our places. We met in a big circle on the street and told her what was what, and she took a plane back to Texas that day. I heard she got married to a marine, got pregnant while he was away on duty, and was filmed in a threesome or something. (Source)

Knocked Up by the Sex Offender

My ex wife divorced me because I didn’t like the idea of her staying home and not working. She got knocked up by the guy who she was cheating on me with, and this guy was a real piece of work. He’s a registered sex offender who lost his job, and because of his sex offender status can’t be around their new baby. (Source)

It Was the Best Thing Ever

My best friend’s girlfriend dumped him a few weeks ago, and it was f*cking hilarious for us. She was yelling and screaming at him in public, making a complete scene. Then, she f_cking spat on him. She then turned and tripped down the stairs so bad. It was the best thing ever. (Source)

She Sh*t EVERYWHERE!

A girl who lived 2 doors down from me dumped me in college and proceeded to bang five other guys in my dorm. A few weeks later I come back around 3AM on a Saturday to see her roommate crying in the hallway. I ask her what’s wrong and she replies “She sh*t EVERYWHERE!” Apparently the girl had about 10 too many Jell-O shots at a party nearby. When she came back she stripped down to her underwear, sat down on her desk chair and diarrhea-ed all over the room. A good friend of mine told me the next day that she was walking down the hallway yelling with her legs covered in her own feces. I didn’t believe my ears. No way. Didn’t happen. After hearing the friend’s tale I walk out of his room to see her carrying a rolled up rug out of the room. Too good to be true. Flash forward two years later – the girl has long since transferred and I’m dating the girl in the room next to where hers used to be. I drunkenly knock on the neighbors’ door to tell them the story. They pull out the desk chair to reveal a brown stain. (Source)

Strung Out on Heroin

Got strung out on heroin, making it so much easier for me to get custody of my now 14-year old daughter. (Source)

You Think You’re So Smart

A guy I dated was always putting me down and saying how he was so much smarter than I was because girls are dumb. After we broke up I found out he didn’t get into a single grad school he applied to (probably sent in like 10 applications). Then after that, he took the LSAT and applied to law school; he didn’t get into any of those either. (Source)

Hey Mom … Guess What

After I broke up with one of my exes she turned into uber-slut. She sent me several pictures of her doing “dirty things” with other men. I told her to quit, she did not. So I finally got fed up with it and sent her mother the final picture she sent of her blowing some dude. Best use of a picture message in my life. (Source)

The Paint Was Fading Anyway

My ex girlfriend decided it would be a good idea to key my whole car. She now has to pay 2000$ and get it completely repainted. The paint was beginning to fade anyway! (Source)

The Spark Wasn’t There

We dated for 4 years. Spark wasn’t there anymore. We split up but remained friends. 5 years later she drops the “I wish I never gave up on you” line. I just hugged her and said we’ll always be good Friends. (Source)

The Look of Disbelief

Girl cheated on me with another guy. He turned out to be a total dirt bag and treated her terribly. She tried getting us back together and I was fed up. To this day the look of disbelief on her face when I said no makes me a little happy. (Source)

The Permed Poodle

Literally hours before the breakup, he gave himself a terrible perm. When I left him, he dyed it black to reflect how I made him feel apparently. He looked hilarious. (Source)

Best Closure Ever

Got pregnant within a month by the guy she was cheating on me with. People thought I would be upset by the news, including her, but it was the best closure I could’ve possibly gotten. (Source)

Flashing His Junk

He got REALLY fat and now he’s a registered sex offender for flashing is junk at customers while working at Subway. (Source)

Fishnets With His Dick in HIs H*nd

I’m not entirely sure what he was doing, but I was on a site where people make fun of dirty pics they found online and found a pic of him in a long blonde wig and fishnets with his dick in his hand. (Source)