Who are these people? Why are they allowed to date? These 30 stories prove that not everyone should have a soulmate.
His Idea of Dinner Wasn’t to Her Liking
Source
I met a guy who said he wanted to make me dinner, 19yo me thought this was a sweet idea. when we got to his house I had to pee. I used his bathroom and when I came out he was naked on the couch and said, “dinner’s served!” I told him I wasn’t hungry anymore and left.
Girlfriend Catches Her Guy Red Handed
Went to a restaurant with a guy I met online. He seemed like a really good guy and we actually hit it off really well. We were sharing a dessert and having a nice time, until his fiancee came over and dumped a drink all over him. She started screaming about how she loved him and how she couldn’t believe he’d gone behind her back. She was out to dinner with her mother at the same restaurant, apparently their plans had changed and he had no clue she would even be in town. He left me at the table, running out after her and her mother, who was screaming profanities at me from across the restaurant. I was nearly in tears trying to explain to the waiter (and really anyone who would listen, they had made quite a scene) that I had NO idea that he was engaged. And then, because he had left, I got stuck with the bill.
Twist: after the whole incident, he tried to go out with me again. He claimed they had broken up. I managed to find him on Facebook and learned that they were still together, so I sent her a message with a screenshot of the text where he had asked me out again. I told her I was really sorry that she was dating such a scumbag, and that she could do better. So she and I ended up talking, and now we’ve actually become casual friends and go out to lunch on occasion. And he’s still a scumbag with an active OKcupid.
So, I Guess You’re Not Hungry?
I went on a date with a girl to get ice cream. I noticed about 10 minutes into ordering that she would not eat her ice cream while I was looking at her. This was even worse because she ordered a cone. The whole thing was just dripping down her hand.
She Became a Total Drip
I went out with this guy and we ordered the exact same drink. He somehow got s—faced while I remained sober. I guess he didn’t drink that much. Anyways, he started acting completely obnoxious, being way to affectionate towards me, trying to kiss me on the cheek and putting his hand on my thigh. I got up to go to the bathroom and he said “Wait, I have to tell you a secret first!”. He leaned in like he was going to whisper something to me…and then…he licked my ear. I left. He followed me to the train and kept begging for a goodnight kiss. He still comes into my work all the time, and when my boss sees him walk in, she actually lets me leave and go to the McDonalds next door until he leaves.
She Kept Paying and Paying for His Mistake
We went out to a nice restaurant that she liked. (2nd date) We had a nice dinner and everything was good. Check came, I paid with my debit card. It was declined. (apparently, there was an issue with my direct deposit and a fair amount of money didn’t get into my bank which had no noticed)
Ok, here’s my credit card that I carry just in case. ummmmmmmm Where’s my credit card?!?!?!?! (I had just went on a trip and cleaned out my wallet, credit card sitting on desk at home)
Checkbook? That’s at home too.
Cash? Who the hell carries cash?
After sheepishly explaining the situation and promising to pay her back ASAP, she paid.
Walked out to the car and found ….. no car. After calling around, discovered the car was towed!?!?! (Towing company was overly aggressive and towed my car when they shouldn’t have)
Took a cab to the towing yard. No money, she had to pay for cab.
Got into argument with ignorant tow truck guys who refused to release my car even though it was parked properly and we had restaurant receipts to prove it, etc. $125. She had to pay.
Worst date ever for me…..
He Found Out Vampires are Real
A year after the loss of my last SO (hit by a drunk driver), I decided it was time for me to try to start dating again. I met a girl on okcupid and from our long conversations over instant messenger, I felt that we had clicked well enough to meet in person. Like many others here that have done online dating, my “partner” only had a couple of images on her profile that were angled so you really couldn’t figure out her body type. Since I was a broke college student, we were just going to go window shopping at the mall. I’m sitting outside Hot Topic and these two VERY large women approach me. The larger of the two kindof looks like the girl I was supposed to be on a date with. It turns out the pics online were from 2 years ago and she became MUCH bigger than imagined. She had brought her friend along as back-up. I figured her friend would go do other things while we hung around. NOPE! She would follow us all evening, staying within a 10 foot radius. Now, this friend would not shut up about how much she LOVED Twilight and how she was on Team something or other. I didn’t give a shit, and I just wanted to talk with this girl I thought I’d hit it off with. Eventually, we were outside and they were smoking. I have weak lungs, and I told her this before we met in person, so I was making sure the wind was blowing away from me. Her friend says that because I don’t smoke, I wasn’t “cool” and that the girl should just cut her losses. As we’re going back inside, I pull the girl to the side and asked her why her friend came along. Her response was, “Oh, she’s the High Priestess of my vampire coven and she wanted to see if you would make a good recruit.” I turned and walked away.
Her Pushiness Made Him Dumbstruck
I had a blind date with a woman and everything went amazingly well. We were on the same wavelength on everything and had one of the greatest nights of my life.
A couple of days later, we went out on a second date. As dinner ended, she looked at me and said that she was having a great time and really liked me. In fact, she said that she liked me enough to know that I was the one and that she wanted to know how serious I was about our relationship.
I was sort of stunned, then looked at her and reminded her that we were on our second date. She said that our ages (we were both mid-30s at the time) we knew enough to know what we were getting in to. She wanted to have a family and have kids, and she did not want to wait. She said that I was the one she wanted to have her kids with.
I sat there dumbstruck. When I didn’t answer immediately, she pushed again. I just said that we should take it slowly and see what happened. She erupted, saying that she didn’t have time for that and needed to move quickly. When I was still too dumbstruck to speak, she started flipping out in the restaurant. She stormed out, screaming at me.
I got a call from the woman that set us up asking what happened and why the woman was “heartbroken.” I tried to explain, but I am not sure she really believed me, or at least not enough to try to set me up with anyone else.
First Date is Like a Kate Hudson Movie
Worst date I ever had, was actually like, my first date ever. It was super awkward asking her out, but I told her, I’d never asked a girl out before. We made the plans together and we were meeting up for lunch at a burger place. I pay for the meal, we sit down and I begin to eat my food. She barely eats anything, telling me she ate before hand. You know….because when you’re meeting someone for lunch you don’t want to sit there eating with them. She then talks about her job at Starbucks, and how she spits in drinks and gives rude people who ask for decaf regular caffeinated coffee. Other gross things like, picking her nose and putting it in the food and just, blech. I was not laughing or in anyway acting interested in this topic.
She also decides to remind me, we will not be having sex. This is my first date with a girl ever. I told her this, she knows this. Yet, she felt the need to say this. As if some how I was giving her the signals that I needed to do her right then and there at this burger place? She checks her phone multiple times, texts people and seems to be having a more interesting conversation with someone else.
She goes on about how ugly and fat she is. Which she wasn’t, I know some women do tend to have self-esteem issues. I now know though, she did this in excess for a date. I tried to tell her different, but I think she honestly lost respect me for me because I found her attractive.
She talks about how badly she wants to date some celebrity, idk who, we’ll say Michael Cera for the hell of it. How cute is, how she wants to marry him. I’m just basically feeling like, I’m not in anyway talking to a real person. Like, this seemed like the plot of a Kate Hudson movie or something.
I was pretty well convinced this was not going to work. So, the date ends, and it actually was pretty short. I think it was only an hour or so, but it felt like so much longer. After that, she was still texting me and trying to go out with me, but I just couldn’t. This date only feels worse and worse each time I think of it. As being my first date, I didn’t think how bad it was till I went on more. Then I realized what a horrible date she was being.
She Laughed About His Bum Eye
This is before I knew what a dating site was, but random girls would message me from my area on ICQ back in the day. I was probably 17 or 18. I met a girl on there and she was a very kinky girl, the kind you don’t take home to mother. A super freak if you will.
Now, I had retinoblastoma as a child and lost my left eye. I have a prosthetic but nobody at my school really made a big deal about it (at least to my face) and I was treated like any other kid. I was naive to the fact that this could be seen as undesirable to a female.
So we talked quite a bit on there and she proposed we go for a drive (I assume so she could see if I looked attractive enough to hook up with later). It went ok, but because I was driving, she never really saw the left side of my face. Next time she proposed I pick her up and we go to my parents house and “watch a movie”.
So I pick her up and take her down to my room. I walk in and she stops behind me in the doorway. So I turn around and look at her. She’s looking at me weird and says “your eyes aren’t the same colour”.
I said “yea, I lost an eye as a kid so one of them is fake”. (I don’t know why I blurted that out, I usually just say “no, they aren’t”). She thought I was joking and made fun of me. I forget what she said but I wasn’t offended I actually laughed. Then she said “oh my god, you’re serious…I’m so sorry!”. She wouldn’t look me in the eyes and said she was so embarrassed that I had to take her home right away. So I dropped her off and never heard from her again.
First Date Invaded by Mom and Brother
I once went on a first date with a chick, and ended up having dinner with her mom and autistic brother, after helping her mom move crap around their house. And I was asked by her mom to spend the night, at which point I was expected to have relations with the daughter.
Okay, here goes. So I met this chick online. My car was having trouble, so this particular night, she was my ride. She picked me up and we went to a mall. She seemed really cool, and we were hitting things off. Went to the Sbarro’s at the foodcourt, and got a bit of lunch. We’re sitting there eating, and all of a sudden, she says (completely out of the blue), “My ex beat me.” I was in mid-bite. So I had that little moment where I stop chewing for a moment, and then start chewing again really slowly because I have committed to the bite.
“I’m.. sorry, that sucks.”
“Yeah, we just broke up a week ago.”
Goddammit. So I’m a rebound. Great. I did feel bad for her though. But then she talked.. and talked.. and talked, about nothing but her relationship with him. I’m thinking, this is a really s—ty date. She tells a story about how she told him she was going on a date with me, and he grabbed her arm and yelled at her. I’m already thinking “What the hell have I gotten myself into?”
So I’m already kind of wanting out, but she was my ride. So we see this movie, and then she wants to walk around the mall. “Hey, let’s go into Hot Topic. I LOVE this store.” Sigh. While we’re in there, she just lunges at me and kisses me. Okay, getting really weird now.
After the mall, I’m like, “Okay, well I had a really good time!”
“Me too! You’re so great. I can’t wait for my family to meet you.” I’m thinking, okay, I can get into why that’s not going to happen a bit later, once I’m safe and away from the crazy woman, but for now, I’ll smile and nod. Then she gets on a highway I never get on.
“Where are we going?”
“To my house, duh!” Apparently, she meant “I can’t wait until you meet my family right f—ing now.”
At this point, I almost want to call a friend for a ride, but my friends would just love the fact that I’m in this situation, and let me rot anyway, so I stick it out. I figure, okay, a couple hours and she’ll take me home.
Nope.
We get to her house, and immediately, her mom asks me to help move a pile of 6 or 7 heavy boxes out to the shed in the back yard. I’m too polite to say no (though I wish I wasn’t, in this situation) so I do it.
I come back in, covered in sweat (it was August), muscles aching, and she says “Thanks sweetheart.” The girl’s brother walks into the room and she introduces me.
“Hey, this is my brother, ‘Terrance’. He’s really autistic, so don’t pay any attention to him.”
“What do you mean ‘don’t pay any attention to him’?!”
“Well everything he says is weird, so you just take it with a grain of salt.” I really felt bad for the kid. He was interesting. Showed me his pet lizard and pet tarantula (I hate spiders, but I figured I would humor him, because if his sister is always like that, it would help to act interested). He changed subjects all over the place and was really hard for me to follow, but he eventually left to go do something else.
So about an hour passes of me watching TV with the girl, and then she says, “So are you ready to go eat?” Dammit! I WANT TO GO HOME. But going out one more time will put us in a vehicle, so I’ll get home.
We get ready to leave for Chili’s, and her mom walks into the living room with her purse. “So where we going??”
I laughed. Seriously, I thought she was joking, because what mom would just invite herself to dinner on her 23 year old daughter’s first date with a guy? She looked at me weird, and then back to her daughter.
“Chili’s. Is Terrance ready?”
WHAT SO YOU F—ING KNEW?! I’m smiling, but in my head, I’m thinking, “WHY THE F— IS THIS NORMAL TO ALL OF YOU!?”
So we go to Chili’s, and I feel like I’m the big brother in the family. Constant bickering between the brother and sister, her egging him on, making fun of him for being autistic, and the mom only jumping in when they started kicking each other under the table.
After about an hour, we leave. Get back to their house, and it’s about 10pm. I figured we were dropping off the mom and brother, so she could take me home. “So, you about to take me home?”
The mom jumps in. “No, she’s not allowed to drive after dark. You’ll have to spend the night. It’s okay, though. Her bed’s a queen, and I don’t care what you guys do in there. I’m not the smothering type hahahaha.”
LYING B—-. YOU HAVE BEEN PART OF HALF OF THIS DATE! That’s what I was thinking.
I was ready to call a friend because I was seriously about to panic. Not that I feared for my safety, but I was just a 12 on a scale of 1-10 of uncomfortability. I pull out my phone, it’s dead. Holyballs my phone is dead. Why is it dead? OH YEAH, I’VE BEEN ON A TEN HOUR DATE.
So I have to just… deal with this. We go back into her room, and watch TV. She keeps putting moves on me, moves that were honestly incredibly hard to resist. I end up pretending to fall asleep, and she falls asleep. I turn the TV on and watch Comedy Central until the infomercials start, and then I get up. It’s way too uncomfortable for me to sleep in this situation. So I go into the living room, and no one’s there. I start digging through their drawers and s—, looking for a charger that fit. There’s only a USB one, so I had to turn on their computer to charge my phone. I call a friend (it’s about 3AM at this point, so no one’s going to pick me up, but I just needed to rant) and talk to her for a couple of hours about my night.
At about 5AM, the girl comes out of her room and is like “Baby, is everything okay?”
“YEP!”
“You coming to bed?”
“Not for awhile! Thank you though!!”
I eventually fall asleep on the couch a bit later.
The next morning, she wants to watch like 3 hours of the Disney Channel, and is finally willing to take me home at 1PM. I say no words the entire way home. I wanted to just go off on her, but I sensed a lot of crazy in that family, so this was one of those situations where I found it okay to just never answer the phone calls or texts again.
She ends up convincing a friend to contact me on the dating site, but not to tell me she knew her. After we finally swapped numbers, she calls me and I hear the chick in the background “NOW ASK HIM WHY HE WON’T TALK TO ME!”
I hung up, deleted my profile on that site, and took a bath in battery acid.
NEVER.
AGAIN.
Her Date Loves Horsing Around
So I met this guy at a party for a friend of a friend. I’m pretty shy so I ended up kind of hanging out in a corner by myself and met a guy who was also a friend of a friend of the host. He was pretty cute and funny so we spent most of the night talking and the subsequent few days texting and calling each other on and off. Finally, he invited me out on a date to go horse back riding.
Cool, I love horses. I’m down.
We live in a bigger city so we have to drive for about 1.5 hour to get to the place where he boards his horses. On the way there we chat and generally bulls— until we’re about 15 minutes away, then he gets really quiet. I take this as him getting tired of driving and just enjoy the music and scenery.
We get to the place and he literally hops out of the truck before he even puts it in park and RUNS towards the stable calling his horse’s name. I put the car in park thinking that it’s been forever since he’s seen her and he really loves his horse. I follow him to where he goes and he’s in the stable feeding her carrots and lovingly stroking her nose. He gives me a carrot and shows me how hold my hand to feed her and instructs me to give her a carrot. The horse eyeballs me, turns her head and walks away.
Whatever. Whorse.
He loans me a horse to ride and we go on a mini ride and picnic. Any time he got close enough to touch me or hold my hand his horse would “mysteriously” veer away from me. After we’re done we pile into the truck and make the drive home.
About a mile and a half from my exit, he asked me what I thought of his horse. I said she was cool and I thought she was beautiful. Then he dropped a bomb on me.
He said he was having sex with his horse. And that they were “in love”. The only reason he was dating was because he knew he was going to die before her. He told me that if we were to date that I was not to make him choose because he would ALWAYS choose her first and that she was his priority. In other words, I would be second fiddle to a horse.
I’ve had some pretty awful dates, but if I ever top that one I’m joining a convent.
He’s Loaded, but Refuses to Splurge On His Date
Show up for a sushi lunch date at a place I’d never heard of on the far side of town, as an OKC guy had asked me. Menu was way out of my price range, so I order two s—-y rolls and water. He proceeds to order everything expensive, and tells me all about how he makes six figures and is just squeezing this lunch in before he goes to a gambling city for the weekend with his buddies.
He asks about my work, and I explain I moved into town for a job with a start up (yes, I’m stupid) that fell apart and never paid me for 2 out of the 4 weeks I worked for it, and that I just started a waitressing job. He smiles, changes the subject back to his fabulous career, finishes his decadent meal and instructs the waiter to print out separate checks.
If you intend on asking a woman out for a date, and insist on an expensive place, and intend to go dutch, it’s a little disgusting to spend the whole meal talking about your financial success. Infuriating. I almost always insist that I pay for myself when meeting like that, but come-fuckin-on! If you gotta be a man and pick the place, why not show some consideration!?
I was so blown away by it, I pulled out my credit card, tipped, signed, wished him a nice trip, and drove all the way home fuming. Of course, I never heard from him again, so I didn’t get a chance to tell him that he was a prick.
Red Flags Were Flying, and Panic in the Air
I met her on OKCupid, She looked really cool – Dyed short hair, fashion photographer, older than me (30 to my 20) We send some messages and have a first date, without red flags. She seems to have the the attention span of a goldfish and tells me she has chronic lyme disease. 2nd date – I get invited to her house to watch a documentary about lime disease. Lots of things happen – it turns out that she is actually a red flags wholesaler and I’m on the warehouse tour. When I try to leave at midnight, she has a panic attack and somehow guilt trips me into staying. I agree to stay, hoping the night will come to a natural ending. It doesn’t. and when I try to leave again, another panic attack. She abuses some painkillers in front of me, and then tries to give me trinkets for about an hour.
A couple other s—-y things happen, and then I manage to leave the house around noon the next day (another panic attack, but this time I was determined) and drive home. I had gotten about 20 minutes of sleep total. Started crying while driving and had to pull over into a park to call some friends who talked me through it.
This Date Transitioned Into Something Else
Met a girl on OKcupid. We decided to grab a burger in her area. We met, chatted, ate, had a great time, found out we shared many interests, had a good laugh, very friendly and casual.
She then got really disheartened, started being very quiet. I asked what was wrong. She admitted she was a transsexual (honestly, you couldn’t tell) male-to-female, and had no idea how to get into the dating world now that she was the gender she’d always felt she was.
I told her that I simply wasn’t attracted to transsexuals. We spent about twenty minutes apologizing to each other and went our separate ways.
It’s about two months later now, she has a boyfriend who she was completely honest with from the get-go, and we frequently hang out, play video games and watch cartoons.
… yeah that’s my worst date. Or most unusual date.
His Date Out Drinks Him by a Mile
Took a girl out to a nice expensive dinner and we had a great time. I felt a real connection. After dinner was over (in which she only had one glass of wine) I asked her what she wanted to do since it was still early. She said “Let’s go to a bar! I know of a good place!”. I followed her lead and drove us to a bar out of town. Immediately she orders two jagerbombs and a jack and coke. She downs the two jagerbombs one after another and in the time it took me to let the head settle on my Guinness she had finished the jack and coke. This continued for the two or so hours we were there.
In the car ride back to her place she broke down and admitted she had a drinking problem and needed to go to rehab. Having friends in AA/NA/etc. I offered to put her in touch with them so she could go to meetings (I even offered to take her to/from them but not sit in on the meetings), she outright refused and said “I NEED REHAB” and got angry. Pulled up at her house and she almost jumped into my lap trying to get me to come inside saying “My parents are asleep so we’ll have to be quiet”. Calmly told her no and that I would text her the next day. She gets out of the car sulking and walks inside.
Bullet. Dodged.
Coffee Wasn’t the Only Thing Making Her Jittery
Met a guy online. A little older than I would have liked, but I didn’t think anything of it. I figured hey, it’s just coffee, if anything goes badly I always have a bail. I get there, and the dude is a guido. An older guido. Fake tan that makes him look like a leather wrapped mummy, balding, bling, shirt open to show off chest hair, the works. Alright, I think it would be rude to stand him up, it’s just coffee, and then I can bail.
Guy has a child he’s never mentioned, keeps insisting on buying me more coffee drinks (watched those like a hawk, but he never slipped anything into them), goes on about how he’s retired (he said he was employed full time), and how he wants ten more children (wtf!?).
I start hedging out of there, claiming I need to go meet a friend somewhere to help them with something (at this point I was about to claim my cat was on fire to escape), when he grabs my arm and tries to convince me to go home with him.
I dropped his arm on the table fairly hard, apologized when he let go in pain, and then dashed. That was the creepiest asshole I ever met. Thankfully I gave him a google number, not my real number, so I just disabled that number and never heard from him again.
Being Drunk Isn’t the Worst Thing This Guy Does
Went out with this guy for the third time. We decided to go to a bar and I ended up driving because he was already drinking. Found out when we got there that he was messed up. Like he was high on something and the drink he was drinking was super strong. So we get there and order some drinks. He has to go the restroom. He is gone for TEN minutes. He comes back accompanied by some security guards because he is too drunk/high to even stand. He is kicked out and it is only 9 PM. I have to help him to my car, which is not fun wearing heels when he is a big dude. Drive back to his car where I wait a HOUR+ for him to sober up. He then stumbles out of my car apologizing and I drive away. Then…. I still saw him because he was a security guard at a bank next to my work. I was friendly because, hey everyone makes a mistake. Until I find out he is a pimp. Like a full on pimp who is on probation and using this job as a coverup. He wanted me to come meet his girls who stayed out his house. UMMM…NOOOOOOO
Bowling Dinner Turns Super Stinky
One time I met a girl online, and for our first date we went bowling after a cheap dinner. Well, as we’re bowling, my dinner began to not sit well with me, and I had to run to the bathroom. Before I can get my sexy first date jeans off, I proceed to poop myself a little bit. I was able to make a save for most of it, but I certainly pooped on my pants and leg. I was able to make a hasty cleanup operation in that bowling alley bathroom – enough so that I could proceed with the date without too much suspicion.
I didn’t tell her this until more than a year after this date.
Three months ago, we got married.
I wish I could say this was the only time that I’ve pooped myself in her presence throughout our courtship.
She Showed Up in Full Skinhead Regalia
A classmate set me up with her sister. I saw a picture. She was a really hot blonde girl. We decided to meet for coffee. She showed up in full skinhead girl regalia and I figured she was a traditional or rude girl kind of skinhead girl. Ten minutes into our conversation she told me, “I’m really glad you’re white. From your picture I thought you might be part beaner or something.” I put down two dollars for my coffee, said “f— you”, and left. Her sister, my classmate went out of her way to avoid me the following week, but then later apologized. She said she had no idea that her sister was that fucked up.
She Bought Crab Cakes to Ease His Sorrow
I went on a blind date with a man who started crying when ordering appetizers. He tried hiding behind the menu but the waiter signaled to me that he was weeping. I pulled down the menu to reveal his tears. Turns out this was the first date after his divorce was finalized. I told him that I understood (i didn’t) and sent him home with crab cakes (that i paid for) he has since then remarried (not to me) and is happy. I haven’t returned to that restaurant.
Shortest Date Ever
I’d met a girl online and we’d talked quite a bit via chat and telephone and things seemed to be going great. We had a lot in common, our senses of humor were pretty similar, she seemed really nice… I was pumped. We met at a Kaladi Bros coffee shop and when I walked over to her table and introduced myself she looked me up and down and said “ha ha… no” and walked out shaking her head.
That was not my favorite day.
Lonely Heart Guy Enters Dating Twilight Zone
I was just 21 and a bit lonely, having been single most of my life. I broke down and started using a dating website (okcupid). I had heard stories about ‘crazy’ on these sites, but I figured I’d take my chances. After weeks of messaging with no responses I finally snag a bite.
There were some small ‘red flags’ on her profile; most notably the heavily angled pictures of herself and her way-to-obvious excitement. But those things with nothing else didn’t tip me off to the crazy I was in store for. We messaged each other for a few days, then IMed for a few more days and then started talking on the phone. Phone conversations went for a good week. The impression I got from her was excitable, friendly and a little quarky, but nothing in our conversations foreshadowed bats— nuts.
On one Friday night, I had just got home from work and she insisted that we hang out that night; finally meeting face to face. I said sure and offered to share my last joint (wasn’t going to re-up for a while). I agreed to pick her up and we’d hang out at my house and I’d take her home later in the evening.
I started the solid 30 minute drive to her house as she lived clear on the other side of town. Not 5 minutes in to the trip, she calls me. The conversation went something like this:
Her: Hey! Could I get your number to give to my mom? Me: (confused as she just called me, but ok) Sure 4-1-2-5-5-5.. Her: Wait! 4-1 what? (she lives in the same area with the same area code) Me: 4…. 1…. 2……….. 5…. 5…. Her: 4-1-3-6-7 what?! How about you just come in and meet my mother? Just so she knows who I’m with.
I figured sure, why not. I’m good with parents typically and it’s only fair to her mother. I was a little confused about the conversation we had just had, her seemingly incapable of copying a simple phone number. But meh, I’m already on the way there.
I finally get to the house, and she’s waiting for me outside. The first thing I notice: her pictures were bold lies! But I’m not that shallow of a dude, so whatever. I can deal with that. She wasn’t bad, but nothing like her pictures. But then, when I pull up and get out of my car, she runs up to me and plants the sloppyist kiss on me I have ever in my life received. She’s bear hugging me like we’re long lost friends and screeching like mad.
We head in to the house, a homey 2 story + basement obviously furnished by a grandmother… actually, her 70 year old mother who I meet in a dining room converted in to a second living room. her daughter is going nuts, she’s going on and on about what a great guy I am and how nice I am and what fun we’re going to have and on and on and on. Her mother is just sitting there knitting, smiling and nodding asking small questions like how old I am, where I grew up, etc.
After a few minutes, the daughter notices the tattoo I have on my right calf; it’s a set of thorns busting out of my knee cap in the standard black ink. This girl literally drops onto the floor, and forcefully takes my leg and presses it into her lap. She then begins to caress my calf and ramble on about all the awesome ideas she has for expanding my tattoo and how awesome they’re going to be, like we had agreed to something never discussed. I’m taking this all in stride, figuring she’s just as lonely as I had been and getting a little excited. She gets up off the floor and tells me she’ll be right back with her things.
I talk with her mother for a minute or so, and she comes bowling down the stairs with a duffle bag, some clothing and toiletries, handing me her hair brush, tooth brush, shampoo and some other items I fail to remember to hold on to while she packs her bag.
It’s at this moment I realize I made a big mistake, but I’m an overly patient guy (I have anger problems, so I’ve learned to not let most shit bother me too much). I’m not yet to a point to call it off, but I’m beginning to really want to. It wasn’t the first batch of clothing that got me there, but when she brought what looked like a weeks worth of clothing down in a second trip. An overnight bag says “we’re getting laid”; a weeks worth of clothing and toiletries? RED FLAG. But we’re not done yet.
After the second batch of clothing, she insists that I come up and help her grab a few more things out of her room. I oblige, being the nice guy that I am. I follow her up the stairs, trailing further and further behind as she’s practically running. I approach the top of the stars, and have to do a U-turn around a wall to enter her room.
I turn the corner and holy shit…. SHE JUST DROPPED TROW! She’s standing there, pants around her ankles, motioning to me with a come-hither finger and a half-cracked smile. Now, the fact that what was underneath was in itself a turn off wasn’t my issue, it was her 70 year old mother down the fucking stairs!
So I tell ask her to “please put your pants back on.” She responds, “What, you don’t like what you see?” I reply “it’s not what I see, it’s your mother downstairs. please put your pants back on.” And then a fucking bombshell, “Fine, just come in and shut the door so you don’t wake my kid.” !!!!!! SHE HAS A FUCKING KID! That woulda been something to mention. I’m not against dating chicks with kids, but a heads up would be nice, especially when you’re an 18 year old mother going out on a date with a 20 year old with no kids, and hardly a future at the time.
I walk in, shut the door, and she drops to the floor again and starts acting like she can’t figure out how to put her pants on. She going on, “Gaaawwwwd, this is soooo haaaarrdddd. Where are the holes on these things?” On and on like she’s hasn’t done this every day of her fucking life. It’s at this point that I’ve had enough.
“Hey. Maybe tonight’s a bad night. I have to be up early tomorrow. I’ll call you in the afternoon. Cool?”
And then, something I didn’t expect. She starts begging. She is on her knees now, still pantless, grabs my hand and begs, “Please please please?! Take me with you! just for a couple of days! We can do anything you want! We can have sex! You can tie me up! PLEASE just take me with you for a few days!”
A FEW F—ING DAYS! This was supposed to be a single evening event, maybe a one night thing. But days?! Fuck… NO! I insist, “No, really. I wasn’t looking for sex. I’ll call you tomorrow, I promise. It’s just a bad night.” It’s a terrible excuse, but at this point I don’t give a fuck, I’m just trying to leave. She continues to beg, and I continue to insist; on for a few minutes and then…
I watch as her face goes from vulnerable and desperate to giving me a “look” like I have never seen. She’s now scowling at me like I just morphed in to lady-bashing demon-man. The following statement, which she whispers like the incarnate of Satan, she turns up the crazy to 11 and solidifies our non-future, “You’re just like the rest of them! A nothing! A no one! You’re a piece of SHIT and will NEVER amount to ANYTHING!!”
Bam. That’s that. With that, I drop her hand, and walk the fuck out with not a single look back. I’m out the door in seconds, in my car and gone.
No Trucking With His Daughter
I was 16 at the time and a girl from school had her friends tell me she liked me so I made plans to go the movies with her that weekend. My sister and her boyfriend were going to the movies as well and he had a truck and offered us to squeeze in and give us a ride. He takes me to her house and her father answers the door. He is a dickwad off the bat, and is asking me a bunch of questions. We go outside and get in the truck and he comes running out screaming saying “NO WAY! THERES NO WAY YOU’RE RIDING IN THERE!”. It was really awkward and my sister said “well we will go home and get my dads car and then we will go”. He said ok and we went back to my house and my dad offered us a ride. We get there and are standing in line for the movies. and Then I hear someone yelling her name. We turn around and its her dad gesturing for her to go to him. She goes over there and he is telling her that he followed us and knows we didn’t go back and get the other car, and even after explaining for 15 minutes that my dad ended up giving us a ride, he stood there and watched us buy the tickets and walk inside before he left. I never asked her out again.
He Loses His Keys and All Sense of Reason
I once went out with a guy who picked me up drunk, with a drink in the cupholder, that he proceeded to drink untill we got to a restraunt (I didnt realise he was drunk untill we were 2 blocks from the destination), at which point I managed to convince him to give me his keys. After food and drinks, we walked around the area, sat down, and for the next half hour he would tell me how much he liked me, and the quickly realise that he “lost” his keys, and yell at me for not helping him find them, but then tell me i was pretty and that he liked me a lot… over and over. By the end of the night i wanted to get away from this guy as fast as possible, so i ended up getting a hold of a friend who lived close by and stayed at his place for the night. The next morning the guy called me to get his car keys back. When he came to pick them he got mad at me for making him break a bunch of windows and doors to be able to get into his appartment. Needless to say, there was no second date.
It Was Over When She Found Out His Real Age
I once went on a date with this really cute guy. I was in my junior year of college and so was he, but he was a little younger. He drove us to the movies and got us lost (even though he had lived in the city his whole life). Thought this was strange, but didn’t think too much of it. We got to the movie we were gonna watch (which he picked) and he turns to me while in line and says he lost his money so I’ll have to pay for myself. Suddenly, the woman in front of him hands him a $20 bill and says “Oh, you dropped this”. He grabs the money, walks up to the window and proceeds to only buy himself a ticket! I bought my ticket and we went inside. As we watched the movie, he awkwardly rubs my leg in the most un-sexy way imaginable and keeps trying to hold my hand. Afterwards, I’m annoyed by the whole experience and want to go home. I get the sudden urge to ask, “So I know you said you’re in community college, but how old are you?”. He quickly says, “Nineteen. Well, I’ll be nineteen soon…” I could tell he was lying so I go, “How old are you really?”. He meekly says, “Sixteen”. Date was over soon after that.
He Ran Away to Avoid Being Spellbound
Blind date with a rather unattractive goth girl (the photo was very, very flattering) who told me she always got what she wanted and she knew spells that would make me fall in love with her. When she went to the loo, I left 30 pounds for the drinks and the meal and ran and ran and ran. I’m not superstitious at all but the risk that I might be wrong was not worth it.
He Was Almost Consumed by the Swarm
I had a few dates with a girl I met online, after one dinner I suggested we go back to her place as she lived quite close. She was reluctant as she said she had a cockroach problem. My place also had a few cockroach’s so I said that’s no big deal. As I was sitting on the couch with cockroach’s dropping on me from the ceiling and them swarming everywhere I realized I was wrong, it was a bad idea. And made worse by her crying because of the embarrassment. I went straight home and had a shower.
Not Your Normal Date Night Drug Bust
So, I meet this guy online, and I’m maybe 19 or so, and an idiot. Thought we would hang out, smoke a little weed, and probably make out or something. (I repeat: I was 19 and stupid).
So we hang out, drive around and get high. We are heading back to my parents’ house (I was home from school that weekend) and turn onto a main road. As he turns the car on to my parent’s street, he gets pulled over… directly in front of my parents’ house. I start spraying perfume everywhere (because, like idiots, we smoked in his car), and my paranoia is on overload.
The cop asks if there is anything in the car he should know about, to which the guy says “Oh, yeah, there’s weed.” The cop gives him a “no, s—” look, and asks me if I was smoking. I’m pissed that he fessed up so fast, so I say no. The cop rolls his eyes, and looks back at the guy. “So, hand it over.”
The guy hands him the bowl from the center console, and I notice he’s starting to look suspiciously pale. The cop says “anything else?” A normal person would say “Why, no, officer. Nothing at all.” This guy was not normal. He opens the glove box and hands the cop a bag of what looked like shrooms. “Is that all?” No, of course it wasn’t. He reaches UNDER MY SEAT and grabs a bag of something I’ve never seen before, which leads me to believe that it was probably bad.
My parents are currently standing on the front porch in their pajamas, wondering why their kid is in a stranger’s car, pulled over by a cop, at 1 in the morning.
The cop has him get out of the car, and they both walk to my side of the car, and the cop pulls open my door. The guy promptly face-plants in the driveway, and starts mildly twitching, presumably having fainted. The cop asks if he has seizures normally, to which I reply “I honestly have no idea. We just met.”
Cop rolls his eyes and lets me go inside my house.
Casual Date Turns Into an Epic Stalking Nightmare
I met Margaret when I lived in St Louis. We kept running into each other in different isles at the grocery store. She was kinda cute and had a sense of humor, so I asked her out. We had dinner the next night and it was obvious we had nothing in common. We ended the date discussing the fact that we had nothing in common. We ran into each other a couple of other places, and stayed friendly. We tried getting lunch together on the spur of the moment. Again, ended the meal saying we have nothing in common. Fast forward six months – I’ve moved to central Virginia for work. 11pm there’s a knock on the door. It’s Margaret. All her belongings are in her car. For some reason, she thinks we’re getting married. We talk until about 4am about what is real and what isn’t – and she seems to get it. I put her in a hotel room and pay for 3 days so she can get herself together. The next six months go by very slowly. She’s everywhere. I’m blunt with her about how I feel, get a restraining order, have her arrested once a week for violating the order. she is so intrusive in my life, I have issues at work. When my manager does my review, we agree I’ll train my replacement and find a new job. I spend the next two months looking for a job, training my replacement and trying to wipe my trail so Margaret can’t follow this time. I even bought a signal detector to see if she had put a tracking device on my car or something. I rent a storage unit and slowly move all my stuff there so that when I move, just so Margaret doesn’t see a moving truck in front of the apartment. I have a friend pick up the U-Haul and leave it at the storage unit and ride my bike over to load it in the middle of the night. I drive the truck over to the apartment, load my car on the trailer and hit the road. As I’m turning at the end of the block, Margaret’s car passes me going the other way. She obviously sees my car on the trailer and starts to follow. All I can think about is leaving. I keep driving and watching the headlights in the mirror. About an hour out of town, her headlights pull to the side of the road. She calls my cell, I let it go to VMail. It turns out she ran out of gas and expected me to come back and help her. I not only changed cell phones and numbers, I changed carriers. to this day, I have no idea how she found me in Virginia. I can barely find myself with Google, and I can search for more specific things.
He Made an Indecent Proposal Over Dinner
I had a blind date, and he wanted to meet at this restaurant in a hotel. I didn’t think anything of it, because some hotels have nice places to eat. Once we had sat down and ordered he proceeded to tell me that he was married but I shouldn’t worry about being a homewrecker, then he propositioned me. He offered me $600 to spend a couple hours with him. With disgust I asked him what kind of girl did he think I was. His response…”What?! You give it away for free don’t you?”
I just left after that.