Selling “Peanut Butter” To Steve
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“One of my kindergartners a few years back was acting off, super hyper and behaving in ways she never had.
When I asked if she had taken her peanut butter at home (code for her ADHD medicine, as it was administered in a spoonful of peanut butter), she told me that her mom sold all of her peanut butter to some guy in their trailer park named Steve.”
The Hot Teacher
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“I am a young male middle school teacher. I know quite a few students who have a crush on me. There’s a new fad where they tell each other’s secrets and say ‘oooh exposed!’ Since when did snitching become popular?
I always get told who has a crush on me. And quite often some of the girls will drop by to leave their athletic bags, or instruments in the classroom and they bring their friends in with them. When they leave, I always hear comments like, ‘I wish I had HIM as my teacher.’
My top three worst incidents are:
1) I had a girl come in at lunch. She told me ‘Mr. __ I like you.’ Knowing full well what she meant, I tried to play it off and said as nonchalant as I could, ‘I like you too, you’re a great student!’ She was like ‘No, I mean I really like you.’ I couldn’t believe the tenacity.
2) Another student asked me to take a picture with her towards the end of the school year. I obliged and on the last day she printed it out and gave it to me with her Instagram on the back and a message about how cute I was.
3) A girl found my Facebook and saved my profile picture as the background to her phone. I deleted my Facebook promptly afterward.
If only I could get that kind of attention from girls my own age.”
How Was Your Weekend?
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“I teach kindergarten, and they really do share everything that goes on at home. During our morning meeting, one boy shared that his uncle was arrested over the weekend and would be in jail for a long time. I was curious so I asked what happened and he happily told me that his uncle was making lots of fake money!
Another time a student ran up to me and was so excited and the conversation went like this:
Boy: ‘Ms. V! My dad is so awesome! He’s so talented!’
Me: ‘Oh wow, that’s great! What is his talent?’
Boy: ‘Well, he can chug a whole bottle without stopping! Sometimes he drinks all six at night.’
Me: ‘Wow! That’s awesome. I’m proud of him.'”
When One Parent Is A Polygamist And The Other Isn’t
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“A couple of weeks ago one of my second graders was crying, so some of the other kids in the class went over and asked what was wrong. Turns out, her parents were getting a divorce because her dad was ‘messing around with four other women and one of them is having another baby.’ Those were her exact words. I don’t even want to know what else that poor kid had to overhear.
I don’t think many of the students are old enough to understand any more than her parents breaking up. Even though it’s still sad, at least they don’t all fully understand yet. She’ll probably be the only one from the class that really remembers.”
“It Was A Rough Rest Of The Year”
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“This is a story of a friend who is also a teacher. I don’t hold a candle to this one.
Some eighth graders were passing notes in class. After about a month, they became comfortable and it started to interfere with the class, so it got to point where he confiscated the notes.
The students panicked. And really panicked. He said they apologized and told him to just throw it away. He said he would decide later and kept the note.
When he read it, he discovered that a group of about eights students (half boys and half girls) would rotate partners for butt play because they wanted to keep their v-cards (this was their idea).
He ended up having a conference with the parents one on one. The parents were obviously mortified. Some started blaming other kids because ‘my kid would never,’ etc.
It was a rough rest of the year.”
Boys Will Be Boys, I Guess
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“When I was student teaching, a group of senior males came in early to class one day (this was the first bell of the day, so they had ample time to talk), and they talked about how another one of my female students (in another class of course) was ‘loose.’ However, they went into details. Blatantly out loud for me to hear, one of the guys mentioned how this girl went to a party, took her shirt off for everyone, and allowed every guy and girl to touch her chest.
The rest of the guys were fascinated, and that same guy then mentioned how she let ‘several guys sleep with her’ that night. Normally, I let seniors have their freedom, but I had to step in, take them to the side, and tell them to stop. I told them it was inappropriate, harmful to the girl, and I would report them if I heard it again. They quickly apologized, and one of them said they were ‘joking.’ I still don’t think the story is true to be honest. I know there are wild girls, but it sounded more like a teenage boy fantasy than anything.
Now I substitute teach at a high school (not the one I student taught at), and a group of seniors were talking about how one of the male teachers was flirting with girls from the high school (in public). They kept going on about how ‘creepy’ he was, and how he always looked at girls’ butts. Well, at the end of the year, the teacher mysteriously resigned and refused to tell anyone why. Oddly enough, he resigned without finding another job.
I personally think the rumor was true, and he knew he would be caught, so he quit because he knew someone would find out anyway. I still have no idea what happened to that teacher, or where he is today.”
“Straight Up Jerry Springer English Class”
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“Senior year English class. I was a student bystander as a pregnant junior unleashed her baggage onto our female teacher who had just finished college. It was Monday, and the student had been in an argument all day with her boyfriend and baby daddy via text, and she felt she needed advice.
He had graduated the year before and lived on his own. He spent Saturday night with another girl and wouldn’t respond to calls or texts. She finally got ahold of him Sunday night and he admitted that he was with this other girl that the pregnant student hated (also a junior in high school) and they had been drinking. The girl was really turned on and wanted to sleep with my classmate’s boyfriend but he did the right thing and just ‘fooled around’ instead. His logic was that since it never entered her that it didn’t count as cheating. He didn’t see what the big deal was.
His pregnant girlfriend was obviously ticked off about the ordeal but could understand his perspective. She wanted to know if the teacher thought her being angry was unreasonable or not. The teacher was mortified at first but quickly slipped back to her high school mentality and the whole class helped her hash out everything. It was 90 minutes of some straight up Jerry Springer English Class.”
A Sad Tale Of Abuse
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“My dad’s girlfriend is a special education teacher. I heard her telling my dad about a student she had with Down’s Syndrome. The kid had pretty crappy parents and lived in the rough part of town.
Anyways, he never brushed his teeth and as a result, his teeth were rotten, and he had to get them all pulled out. He was given pain medication, but his mother ended up taking all the pills herself. The boy would be in so much pain in class that he would have to be taken out of class because he couldn’t stop yelling. He yelled so much that the stitches in his mouth ultimately ripped.
As far as I know, the boy still lives with his mother. I don’t know why nothing was done about this. It makes me angry.
My dad’s girlfriend reported the abuse, but for some reason or another, the mother still has custody.”
“You Could Hear A Pin Drop”
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“When I was in seventh grade English class, we were writing an exam one day. The room was so quiet you could hear a pin drop and the door to the hallway was just opened a crack. We heard the sound of three sets of feet running down the hallway and this amazing conversation yelled at full volume:
Girl: ‘No. She said she would blow him!’
Boy: ‘Do what?’
Girl: ‘Blow him!’
Girl 2: ‘She’s loose like that. She would totally blow him.’
My English teacher is middle-aged and is known for always having a stick up her rear. She ran out into the hall and grabbed the kids, and hauled them into the class in front of everyone. We were all nearly dying from trying to hold in our laughter. My teacher yelled at them in front of the class for being so loud and running down the halls and then wanted to know what they were yelling about. She demanded that they explain to her what ‘blow him’ means. The poor kids were red-faced and couldn’t even lift their shameful gaze from the floor. The first girl could only whisper, ‘but…it’s…dirty…’
My favorite part was that one of the girls was the younger sister of a friend of mine who was in that class. He was just crying because he was laughing so hard.
I don’t know if my teacher was so naive that she truly didn’t know what they were talking about or if she’s the greatest troll ever and was just making them sweat it.”
They Were Are Left Hanging With Confusion And Grief
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“About 11 years ago, in high school, one of my friends found her father had hung himself in the backyard. They were a really nice family, and he was a great guy.
But his wife had an affair with her personal trainer and he found out. They had some financial issues as well.
We were in the middle of a class when we found out. We gathered ourselves in the school coordinator’s office, and after some discussion, he let us leave early to support our friend. She was in shock, complete disbelief. She wasn’t even crying.
The funeral was arranged for the next day. His family flew from another state to say their last goodbye. It was scheduled for 3 p.m., and after the priest’s speech, they started burying him. And the widow started to cry really hard.
Then I overheard one of his relatives (probably his sister) say:
“What does she think she’s doing? She killed him. Oh, my God, I hate her so much.”
The suffering and hate mixed together made this day really unforgettable.”
Don’t Go Looking At Other People’s Phones
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“One of my male students left his phone unattended and unlocked around his girlfriend, and she picked it up and started searching through it.
What she found was his very male ‘best friend’ texting and sending him nudes and talking about how much he loved him and the BF was texting back and being equally enthusiastic about being in love with him and the two of them being together out in the open once they finished school and were in university.
She proceeded to screenshot and send all those texts and nudes to her boyfriend’s parents, before replacing his phone so he wouldn’t know. His parents were very conservative. This kid went home to be blindsided thanks to her, and apparently, he had to basically flee the house because he was afraid of his father getting physical with him.
Her boyfriend’s best friend came to school the next day and lost it on her. She called him disgusting and some other homophobic stuff, and he got three or four good punches in before he was restrained, screaming his head off the whole time.”
Not The Right Kind Of School Photos
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“I volunteer at a middle school. One of the students, a sixth grader, had sent a video of herself nude to a boy she liked. The boy had brought his phone to school the next day and showed everybody he talked to.
He also had sent it to a group chat that had his whole class. The police had to come to the school to investigate.
The girl was taken out of school by her parents, and the boy was expelled. She was only 11 years old, and there was a rumor that the boy had asked for the video, but other people said she sent it out of nowhere.”
Well, One Secret Lead To A Complete Collapse
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“Student A was talking to Student B about a Snapchat she received. They both started giggling and talking about the person who sent the message. It was the newly appointed Assistant Principal of the high school.
Before taking the new position of AP, he was the girls volleyball coach, boys baseball coach, and the advisor/counselor for the at-risk youth at the high school. Also turns out he was selling weed to the baseball team.
Oh, and he had relations with Student A when she was 16 years old. I made a CPS report and told the Principal. He was fired immediately and Student A ended up cooperating with police and pressing charges.
Not sure what happened with the court case.”
Don’t I Know You From Somewhere?
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“The juiciest gossip was always about the fellow staff.
One of my students (11th grade) came to school and told me she’d ran into my boss in the weirdest situation that weekend.
It turned out, my student was dating and sleeping with another student. That second student lived with his mother who had recently separated from his father after his mother was caught cheating.
The man she was cheating with was my boss, who was still married.
My student ran into him as they were both sneaking out of the same house early on Saturday morning.”
It Just Kept Getting Worse
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“At my school, there was some whole nasty texting scandal. Two kids got into a fight, kids watching, and posted it on their snapchat story. The school’s police officer found out and confiscated the phones that were recording it.
When he was going through the phones, he found a picture of a boy’s junk. Student A (male) sent this to Student B (female) while they were dating, and she proceeded to take a screenshot of the picture. After A and B broke up, B sent this to Student C (male), who posted this on their story for about 10 minutes before taking this down.
Keep in mind all these kids are in the seventh and eighth grade.
Then, when confiscating all of their phones, they found screenshots of Student D (female), a ninth grader, flashing her chest on an Instagram live stream. Then they confiscated her phone, finding a picture of another male student.
It just wouldn’t end.”
Not The Kind Of Confession He Expected To Hear
“I worked in a Catholic school, and my homeroom class had to do morning prayers. We did intentions, where students could offer up things they particularly wanted us to pray for.
One student would routinely say things like ‘for my family because we don’t have a lot of money right now.’
Not exactly juicy, but not something her parents probably wanted aired out in front of their kid’s friends (who were also largely their friends’ kids) and their kid’s teachers.”
The Electric Coffee Test
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“One principal told me that she was dosed acid by a student (putting one or two hits in her coffee) and just went about her day as normal, attended meetings and what not.
She was familiar with the experience and didn’t need to go home. She waited for another day to discipline him and let him know the legal implications of what he had done and how serious the police would find it if she reported.”
“What Do You Want Me To Do? I’m Pregnant!”
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“Two girls in the back of my theatre classroom would not stop talking. One of them seemed upset, so I asked them to keep it down. It continued, so I told them more firmly to pay attention. The upset girl promptly freaked out, said, ‘WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO? I’M PREGNANT!’
The entire class’s mouths dropped, and I couldn’t think of anything to do but send her to the trauma counselor. Sure enough, yep – one of my sophomores had a baby the April before she became a high school junior.”
“We Can Still Hang Out”
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“Teenagers are fun. A guy walked one of my students to class right after having broken up with her.
He was walking with his arm around her trying to comfort her, but she was hunched over and seemed to be trying not to cry in front of everyone.
When they got to the door, he said, ‘We can still hang out,’ and she just nodded and choked down a sob. He then pulled her into the most awkward hug I have ever seen and jogged off calling ‘bye’ over his shoulder.
The girl followed her classmates into the classroom and sat at her desk. She immediately started bawling her eyes out. I gave her a packet of tissues, let her know she could leave the room to go to the bathroom whenever she wanted and did not call on her all class.”
I Don’t Think They’re Werewolves
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“A student once informed the class that her parents were werewolves.
I, understandably puzzled, asked her what made her think that.
Student: ‘I found the handcuffs they use. In this movie, the werewolves locked themselves up during the full moon so they wouldn’t eat anybody, and theirs are the same kind.’
Me (trying to move along): ‘Isn’t that interesting? Not quite the traits I had in mind, but I can tell you might be worried about that. So I’m going to tell you all about a scientist who lived long, long ago, named Gregor Mendel, and how he used peas in his garden to learn about genetic inheritance.'”