It's not just the girls that find themselves dating people who are cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs, fellas can fall prey to total creepazoids, too. These unlucky-in-love men found themselves on a date or dating a woman who didn't just jump off the deep end, they dived in with the skill of an Olympic diver. What might have started out as a love affair for the ages soon soured and turned into a horror movie these men had to fight to escape from. Content has been edited for clarity.
A Guy Walks Into A Bar, Only To Meet His Worst Nightmare
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“I was in a bar having a drink. This girl started talking to me. She seemed OK, but the bar was dark. It was hard to tell. She asked me if I want to go out to her truck and smoke. I said, ‘Yes.’
When we wandered out of the bar, the bright lights outside illuminated her face in a disturbing way. I ignored what I was seeing.
‘So, where is your car?’ she asked
‘I thought we were going to your truck?’ I replied.
‘No, we are going to your car.’
OK. I can deal with this.
We got to my car, and she said, ‘Where is the joint?’
‘I thought you had a joint,’ I said.
‘No. Take me home.’
OK. I can deal with this.
I started driving her home. As I was driving, she started rambling, ‘You can do anything you want to me.’
OK. Maybe I can deal with this.
As we approached her apartment she said, ‘I sure hope my boyfriend isn’t home.’
Oh, shoot. Can I deal with this?
She pointed to a convenience store and said, ‘Pull in there and go buy me a 12-pack.’
‘I’m not buying you a 12-pack,’ I said. She got out of the car to buy the 12-pack.
I definitely cannot deal with this.
I slammed the car into reverse and raced off into the night. I didn’t go back to that bar for a year.”
He Calls It Stalking, She Might Call It Dedication
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“I once blocked a girl’s number because she would text me every day after I refused to reply anymore after telling her I didn’t want to talk. I honestly don’t understand her obsession. I would text myself a solid 2 times before giving up.
Two years later, I unblocked the number out of curiosity.
SHE WAS STILL TEXTING ME DAILY. I sure hope I never run into her in person again.”
He Wanted To See Other People – She Didn’t Take That Very Well
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“One night when I was a senior in high school, I was home alone with an ex who was probably just shy of 21, but looked to be my age. My parents and siblings had gone out to eat. I didn’t want to go with them and bring my girlfriend because I wanted to break up with her that night.
She had a lot of annoying traits I would overlook because of how attractive she was. She was very selfish. Everything had to be done her way when she said it. She would always one-up everything you’d say or mention. Blah, blah, blah. This lasted four months and I was sick of it. I broke up with her and asked her to leave after everything was said and done.
That night, I woke up at around 1 in the morning to my dog growling. I was not sure how long it was going on. I’m a bit of a heavy sleeper and my dog wouldn’t bark, he’d just growl and all the hair on his back would arch up if he’d hear something or someone. I got up. I heard someone in my living room.
I grabbed my bat and my dog and walked out. My now ex-girlfriend was just standing there crying, staring at my bedroom door, asking me for another chance. I could tell she was holding something behind her back. Without getting too close, I told her she had to go.
She got angry. I could see she had something that looked like a pipe wrench, a decent-sized one.
‘Let’s not do this,’ I told her.
I had one foot and 100 lbs of muscle on her (heck, my dog at the time was bigger than her), but it was 1 am, in the dark, with the only light coming from a Comcast box clock, and this crazy woman broke in with a weapon to get back together and/or beat my face in, so I was a bit freaked out.
She lunged toward me. As I was about to pull my bat back and knock her into next week, my dog jumped onto her, knocking her flat on her back and knocking the air out of her, making her drop the wrench. I kicked it away, turned on the lights, and called the cops. She just sat on the floor crying as we waited for them.
Man, I miss that dog.”
A Childhood Crush She Could Not Let Go Of
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“It all started in elementary school when this weird girl took a liking to me. She would follow me around at recess and, if I wanted a recess to myself, I’d have to outrun her and lose her. It kept me in shape. She’d be watching me from across the room and would pass notes to me asking if I’d marry her when I grew up. She also came to my mom’s house a few times and left notes on the windowsill.
Fast forward to high school, at which we landed in the same film arts class. I was usually a cameraman, but when I was in the editing room, there she would be. She had a face like the Man in the Moon; round, blank, and gave you the sense that you might look out your window one night and see it looking back in at you.
She’d be ogling me from across the room, inching her chair closer and closer, and complimenting me on virtually everything. She liked my clothes, jewelry, hair, and eventually, she would say she wanted to kiss me and date me. I was an awkward teenager, so I just dropped lots of hints that I wasn’t interested, which she either didn’t understand or just didn’t give a poop.
One day, she cornered me in a doorway and said she was going to kiss me. I was in such a position that I could only either take the kiss or physically push her away from me. I didn’t know how to react at the time, so I pretty much did a combination of both.
Another day, I was biking to school. She was sitting at the base of a telephone pole at the end of my street, looking at me as if she was expecting me to come that way. I thought it through and realized that she must have followed me home from school, then got up at the crack of dawn, came back to my street, and waited to see when I’d be leaving. This happened a few times. I didn’t tell anyone because I thought my family would make fun of me.
We’ve both been out of school for a few years. She hasn’t given up yet. She found me on Facebook and messaged me a few times, saying she’s tired of being single, and asking if I would I ever date her. I’ve rejected her as clearly as I can and I hope it sticks. She definitely has autism or something. Maybe she just can’t let go of that childhood crush, or can’t process rejection. I hope she gets the help she needs.
What was really infuriating was when I went to my family for advice. They were all like, ‘Aww, she likes you’ and ‘You should give her a chance.’ We need to teach our sons AND daughters that stalking people is not OK!”
One Veteran Remembers… His Stalker
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“I met a girl online once and we went out a few times. I wasn’t feeling it and told her as much. I had been in the US Army for the previous six years. Nothing special – I was a fueler. She got it into her head that the military was forcing me to not date her and that I had a much more clandestine job than in reality.
It wasn’t and I didn’t. I had reached the expiration of my term of service three years earlier and my only contact was the veterans affairs office at the university I was attending. She would constantly text me and message with with nonsensical conspiracy theories about why I couldn’t see her. I blocked her and moved on.
She hired a private investigator to tail me. When I caught wind of him after a couple days, I walked over to where he was sitting and introduced myself. He was flustered, but eventually we laid it all out. I told him that he was wasting his time watching me go to class, the dining hall, and my house every day. I never saw him again and never heard from her again.
Either she hired a more stealthy PI or the dude talked some sense into her. Either way, it didn’t progress beyond that. I was ready to get a temporary restraining order or something, but it never had to happen.
Two months later, I met my wife. We have been married six years.”
She Just Would Not Stop Calling Him
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“I dated this girl one summer during high school. She seemed nice enough and we kind of hit it off at a church function. That was until my summer schedule started.
I went from working evenings at a local fast food joint to working overnights and I guess she couldn’t cope. She would call my house and accuse my mom of lying for me and demand she tell her where I really was. She would drive by the restaurant all night and would even wait for me to get home at 6 or 7 am, while I was still in my work uniform, and accuse me of cheating.
Eventually, she started calling me every hour or so at work. This was a time when most teenagers didn’t have phones, so she was calling the work phone, which, as one could imagine, my managers just loved. She did not take the break-up well, threatening to kill herself. She threatened to kill me, and she threatened to kill my dog. When I started dating a co-worker toward the end of the summer, she threatened her, too.
Teenage me never thought to try and get her brought up on charges for threats and stalking. She eventually got the hint and left me alone.”
After The Ball Dropped On New Year’s Eve, She Dropped A Bomb On His Night
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“It was New Year’s at around 4 am. A friend called me asking to pick her up because she didn’t like who she was with (as in she felt uncomfortable with them). Obviously, I walked down to where she was. It was only a 10 minute walk. I was a lil tipsy, but she was crazy hammered. I tried to walk her home, but she insisted on sitting down.
The nearest place was where I was staying, at a friend’s place. We sat on the couch and she immediately started cuddling me and kissing me. I tried to push her off me, but she was having none of that. At one point, she had most of her weight on me. She hastily undid my belt. Then, she tried to grab my member. I pushed her hand away. Then, she whispered, ‘Come on. You know you want me too,’ and she went for it again.
I immediately just shouted ‘STOP!’ She then started to cry, saying I don’t find her attractive. She got really emotional and asked if I thought she was fat, etc. I asked her if she wanted any water. I went and got her some. When I came back, I find that she had grabbed a razor blade out of her purse and cut her palm open. She was shaking.
I got a bandage from the kitchen. We called a taxi to get her home. I paid for the taxi. I haven’t spoken to her since.
Needless to say, it took me a while to get comfortable being alone with inebriated people for a while. It shook me up more than I’d like.”
Meow, That Is What We Call A Strange Date
“I met a girl on Tinder. I invited her over to my place for a good ol’ trip to Bone City. When she showed up, she began inserting ‘meows’ into every other sentence. She was not replacing words with ‘meow,’ but just meowing randomly in the beginning, middle, or end of sentences. I asked her what she was doing and she claimed it was just a thing she did unconsciously.
Right.
She kept meowing and just saying random stuff. She mixed in some, ‘Let me know if you can’t handle me. Most guys can’t.’ It was only about 15 minutes in and I just needed to get away. I mentioned having to take my dog out.
‘Oh, I’ll come with you!’ she said.
Darn it.
No sooner than when we opened the door to let my pup out did she rock me with this horrifyingly awkward question: ‘So my feet smell pretty bad. What is something you’re insecure about?’
I was dumbstruck. I started stuttering half sentences: ‘What the fu- Why would- Just wow…’
She came back with, ‘Well, don’t make me feel bad,’ I was just in complete bewilderment of how to respond to this person.
‘I didn’t volunteer that information, you did,’ I said. ‘I absolutely don’t want to have this conversation with you.’
Finally, she says rather proudly, ‘I knew you couldn’t handle me!’
‘You’re right,’ I immediately replied. ‘You need to leave.’ She actually stopped and looked at me with tears in her eyes.
‘I was joking,’ she said.
I looked at her and said, ‘I am not. You should go.’
She meowed sadly, then told me she left her purse inside. After an awkward elevator ride up to my place, I unlocked the door and handed her her purse. She hesitated in the doorway before yelling, ‘You need to meow give me another chance!!’
Since I had an entire elevator ride to prepare for whatever she was going to say before she left (because, come on, of course she’d try something), I replied with ‘You need to leave right meow.’
I closed the door in her face and called building security. I guess it wasn’t needed but after the last 20 minutes, I wasn’t leaving anything up to chance.”
She Believed In Love At First Sight, He Was Left Blindsided
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“It was my first blind date, set up by friends. I was 22 and had just graduated.
I picked her up because she didn’t drive. I found out that she was a sophomore at my alma mater – cool. I was surprised I had never seen her before because it wasn’t a large uni and she was cute as heck.
Fast forward maybe two or three hours, we had just wrapped up dinner and a stroll in a park downtown. Everything went well and we were walking to a comedy club. She was saying really weird things at this point, such as how happy she was that she met someone like me, about the places she wants to honeymoon at, how many kids we would have, and how beautiful they would be if we were married.
Now, she was a looker and really fun to hang out with, but who talks about these kinds of things after knowing a person for several hours? Red flags.
Later into the evening, we were walking to the house I shared with a few roommates. Our place was maybe a block from the comedy club, being a college neighborhood. She stopped me and we made out for a bit. She was, for real, acting and talking like we had been long-time lovers at this point. I made the decision to suggest I take her home since it was getting late, but she insisted on coming home with me. I pocket dialed my friend.
‘Oh, I’m getting a call,’ I said. I played it like he needed me for something. He was all high, giggling and saying stupid stuff as he realized what must be happening. Then, it turned for the worse in a big way. She got angry, accused me of being gay, and said she never should have come on the date, etc. She stormed off. Whew.
Fifteen minutes later, I was at my house laughing and chatting with my roommates about my date when the back door opened. Guess who walked in.
‘I knew it!’ she screamed. Queue me trying to calm down this crazy girl while my friends were laughing and taking pictures. Eventually, her friend came and got her.
‘Alisha,’ if you’re out there, I hope you found love.”
You Can’t Hide From Love
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“Years ago, I had a roommate whose fiancé abruptly ended their relationship. For the few days after they ended it, she would show up to my work (I worked retail at the time) looking for me. At the time, I wasn’t sure why she kept trying to talk to me because I never really liked her and she really messed my roommate up by ending the relationship with no explanation.
I would constantly hide in the stockroom to avoid her, so she began waiting by my car for my shifts to end. I would usually wait it out until someone else working would give me the ‘all clear,’ but after a few days, I lost my patience and just decided to walk to my car. She was there. She confessed her love for me. I said, ‘No thanks,’ got in my car, and left.
I told my roommate afterward. It sucked at first, but knowing him, I knew it would make the split easier for him after a few weeks and it did.
She and I randomly run into each other around town and always, always, always make awkward eye contact before I realize it’s her.”
A St. Valentine’s Day Massacre… Almost
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“Valentine’s Day during my junior year of high school, two girls asked me out. One was super cute and timid and I liked her a lot. The other had a boyfriend.
After turning the second girl down, she went to her boyfriend and told him to beat me up because I was at fault for making her want to cheat on him. That turned out to be a bit of a final straw for the boyfriend. He apologized to me and broke up with her in the same sentence. We both received death threats from that girl for multiple weeks after that.
As for me and the first girl, we are almost in our fourth year together.”
Perhaps If He Played For Her Team, She Would Have Had A Chance
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“She was the first to approach me when she found out I was a journalism student. Having had no friends yet during freshman year, I befriended her. As the semester went on, she got more and more annoying. She went as far as getting another sim card and making up this dude named Jordan, just so we could talk about ‘guy things.’ When I had had enough, I decided to call this ‘Jordan’ in the middle of class. Her phone rang. I went all ‘Hi Jordan’ on her. She ran out the room.
She even invited herself when I went out to the movies with my buds, buying herself a ticket. When we said we would be going drinking in a different city (45 minutes away), she said she couldn’t come, which was reassuring. When we got to our spot, she wasn’t there, but still managed to blow my phone up with texts and saying ‘I miss you,’ ‘I love you,’ and ‘You’re the best.’ I was like, This has got to stop.
The following week at school, before she could even say anything, I immediately told her, ‘You do know I’m gay, right?’ I really am. She started crying in front of so many people.
Her nuances dwindled little by little toward the end of the semester. I moved from Journalism to Hospitality the following term and had not heard from her since.
That was until around 2016 when she found out that I broke up with my then boyfriend. She started telling people how I cheated on my ex with her. Girl, seriously?
She finally stopped after one of my intensely catty lady friends ‘talked’ to her. I have not heard from her since.”
An Unexpected Visitor
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“When I was in my early 20s, I used to have real bad insomnia. I could easily still be up at 4 am and still not feel tired. One night, at around 1 or 2 am, I was just sitting at the computer looking online, trying to get sleepy when there was this knock at the door. Pretty weird to get someone at the door at that time, but I figured maybe it was an emergency from one of my neighbors. On one side, we had a house at which several people with down syndrome lived with a carer, so I figured I should answer just in case.
I answered the door and there was this random girl I had never met before and did not recognize at all. She was dressed in everyday clothes and not like someone who had been out to the pub or whatever. She was just wearing jeans and a hoody and did not seem to be inebriated in any way. She said she was told that there was a party at my house. I told her there was not. There was only me home alone, trying to get tired enough to sleep.
She asked if she could use my phone. Having always wanted to believe the best in people, before real adult cynicism set in, I invited her in and showed her to the phone. She kind of dialed numbers, which looked more like she pushed numbers at random and waited for someone to answer. I have no idea if she actually called someone or if it was an act.
After about 10 minutes of that, she gave up and claimed she was actually homeless. I do not mean to stereotype or anything, but her appearance did not suggest she had been sleeping rough at all. Her clothing was of casual style, but not grubby, frayed, or worn out in any way. I was kind of suspicious but, OK. I googled the nearest shelter and there was one about a mile away – certainly walking distance – so I agreed to walk her there. It was the middle of the night after all.
On the walk, she started trying to hold my hand and stroke my arm, that kind of thing, until we got to the end of the street where the shelter was. She said she was in love with me and that we should go back to my place. I had known her for less than an hour and had never talked to her or seen her before that night, so I was a little freaked out. I told her that I was not interested and that I was seeing someone (an obvious lie since I was home alone looking at video game forums at 2 am on a Friday night).
I pointed down the street and told her that the shelter was down that way and that I needed to go home at that moment. She finally left me but walked off in the complete opposite direction. I just walked home via a different route, in case she followed me, hoping she might have forgotten which way we came. I never saw or heard from her again.”