Though we may not like to admit it, we all have secrets. Some may not be as devastating as others, but everyone carries something with them that weighs them down. Here, we look at some of the biggest secrets people have.
(Content has been edited for clarity.)
It Was The Dog
“When I was 10 years old, my sister and I had always fought about stupid stuff and I did something gross to get back at her.
One day, she started saying that I shouldn’t get a TV in my room even though she got one at age 10 because I would become lazy, and I got mad. We had a dog that she took care of and had to clean up after, so I went to my room and peed a little on the hardwood floor. I then went to my mom and said the dog peed and my sister had to clean it up.”
Childhood
“My father tortured, starved, beat, and belittled my three siblings and me. My brother died, two siblings remain. We are all hurt and broken. Sometimes we ate grass or once even baby aspirin, just to have something in our bellies. When I got old enough to sneak out, I went to the store and shoplifted food for us. We still had to pretend to be starving on those days or he would beat us near to death. He burned my thighs and legs, broke my bones. He sealed me in a room for days and days with no light or food or water.
I still fantasize about killing him every single day. I am middle-aged.”
Parents’ Bedroom
“When I was little, I was woken up in the middle of the night by some noise only to run to my parents’ room and watch my dad strangle my mom to death. He didn’t see me, and I hid in the closet. He turned himself in later that night. I still remember it as if it was yesterday.
My grandma told me a lot about the two when I was a little older. What haunts me the most is, I’m growing up just like he did. I’m going to be another broken person, finally losing it and ruining the lives of those around me, continuing the cycle. I wish he would have killed me too.”
Justice Versus Vengeance
“I planned to murder the people who abducted and assaulted my ex-girlfriend. She has severe PTSD, along with BPD, anxiety, depression, and substance issues.
I couldn’t live with her waking up screaming and sobbing in my arms, reliving every moment of what happened on a weekly basis, knowing those scumbags only got minor possession charges. I remember the first time she told me what happened. I remember feeling every ounce of fear and pain. Every second of horror, of ruining a beautiful 19-year-old girl. I sobbed like a baby, because I loved her, because I couldn’t help but feel her sorrow, and because I had never seen humanity dip so low.
I found a friend of a friend to do the deed, some bikers out of town that were old friends from this person’s days in the military. Real rough. The kind of people you need in your Rolodex every once in a while.
I went to a station halfway across the country and got the police records of what happened. Names and addresses; everything I needed to bring her justice was public record. I do make the distinction between vengeance and justice. She’s dead inside now. There’s nothing. Not in the three years after it happened or in the three years we lived together that could fix what happened.
Men go to jail, dogs get put down. If you take someone’s life away, the only right thing is if you get your taken away in response. Fair, equal, justice.
When I was going to finally make the call, I told her everything I had planned and she begged me to not do it. In some way, she had accepted what had happened, even though it haunted her. She hadn’t forgiven the men and women that used her, the people that broke her. However, she felt it wasn’t her place to ask for their lives as payment for her own. It wouldn’t make her a better person. It wouldn’t fix anything. It would only make sure that those people could never hurt anyone again.
Chandra, the woman that abducted my ex, has a daughter. I think often of that poor girl and what kind of life she would have if her mom wasn’t there to ruin it. I don’t think I could stop myself if given the chance, and that’s something that haunts me.”
Regretting A Decision
“I took pictures of my cousin’s private parts some years ago. I was madly in love with her, as sick as it may sound, but that’s how it was (still is), and we were close. For years, I tried to avoid anything with her beyond a normal cousin relationship, but I messed up one day.
I was in her house in a family meeting. Since I got bored, I decided to go to a room alone and spend time checking Twitter. Five minutes later, my cousin comes in because she was bored too and wanted to use the computer that was in that room. I was lying on the bed while checking Twitter. It was a hot summer day, so she was wearing a sideless shirt WAY too big for her and no bra. So when she sat in the computer the shirt moved forward and I could see everything.
At that moment my mind crashed. On one hand, I knew I had to leave that room as soon as possible. I didn’t want to tell her anything because that would be an awkward situation. But, on the other hand, I had before my eyes the girl I was crazy about. So I stayed in the bed pretending I didn’t notice until I realized I had a phone with a camera in my hands. Then the thought of taking pictures of her crossed my mind. I knew it was disgusting. I knew it was wrong but the argument in my mind that, ‘Its a once in a lifetime chance. Take it or lose it’ won. So after a couple of minutes of inner struggle, I took some pictures, closed the phone, left the room, and waited for the meeting to end so I could go home
Once I was at home, I checked the pictures and deleted them. I regret taking them and I’ve been feeling guilty about it ever since.
I’m currently struggling with depression because of my feelings about my cousin and taking those pictures are the proof that I’m a faulty human. That I’m bad, that I can’t be trusted, and that I’m not normal. Somedays I struggle to even call myself a human being.
It has been many years but I still think about that incident almost every day.”
Totalling The Car
“Something I’ve carried with is that my best friend of 10 years assaulted me on my birthday.
He has tried to play the victim to some of our mutual friends, and obviously, they’re not his friends anymore.
One night I got angry; more like raged out. I was hammered. I drove to his house fully intent on hurting him. I’m not sure how far it would go, but it wasn’t going to be pretty. When I pulled up, I saw his car in the driveway (he usually parks in the garage). In fact, I’ve never seen his car not parked in the garage, so I damaged his car as much as I could. I would be surprised if it wasn’t totaled.
Him parking his car outside his garage might’ve saved his life and kept me out of jail.”
Best Friends
“My best friend and I are more than just friends. We’ve carried on an intimate relationship for years. This has gone on longer than both our current relationships. We’re both women.
She is the love of my life. I’m unsure if I’m hers.
I think I’d probably leave my current relationship if she asked me. I go back and forth on whether she’d leave hers, but my gut says she wouldn’t. It doesn’t matter, anyway, as there are other life circumstances outside our relationships that get in the way of even considering it.
We don’t talk about it.”
Dental Insurance
“My secret is that I have many teeth problems stemming from bulimia years ago (haven’t thrown up in ages).
Over the past few years, repairs done years ago have fallen apart at a rate my insurance can’t keep up with. I’ve lost a few, and a few more are crumbling away. But I can’t afford to fix any of it. I’m beyond embarrassed but there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it now. Maybe in a few years when we’re done paying for daycare. But it has to be on the backburner for a while. It will get worse before then, and I have no way out. It occupies my thoughts constantly, and there’s nothing I can do.”
Wrong Kind Of Toilet
“Okay, my big secret is that I lived in a third-world country that didn’t have toilets. We’d usually have to dig a hole in the ground, take a number one or two, then cover the hole with a dirt.
When I moved to Canada, I saw a urinal stall for the first time in church. I thought the urinal stall was a toilet, so I took a giant poop in it. Turns out I was wrong. Once it was found, people freaked out, and I was too scared at the time to tell anyone about it. After that experience, I had nightmares about being caught and put into prison.
Now that I think about it, I feel bad for the person that had to clean that up.”
Holding In Many Secrets
“I have several big secrets but I’ll start with the biggest.
When I was 8 years old my cousin (no blood relation) was released from jail and would visit our home while not serving time. He was out for one week and was involved with narcotics and partying again. While doing so, he abducted a girl the same age as me. He killed her and then dumped her body near train tracks at a new housing development at the time.
The secret is that he was my illegitimate father because my mother assaulted him as a child and took care of him frequently. I was not aware until my wife mentioned I looked like him 15 years ago.
There was a book written about it named Broken Doll. The thing is I am mentioned in the book several times and this is without my consent.
I worry people will know me or recognize me from this as his trial was televised often, and I was in many newspaper articles pictures with my mother. I have paranoia of them knowing or how it shames me that they may know. It drives me crazy.
At the same time, my grandfather had dementia and eventually got a diagnosis of Alzheimer’s. He would keep me awake at night screaming my name. He would scream things like, ‘Momma,’ ‘Sissy,’ or ‘Help me.’ Sometimes my mother would then beat him to make him shut up in frustration.”
Not Like The Others
“A secret I carry is that I don’t feel grief. Family members die and I’m sad but I won’t be depressed or angry, I just move on. It makes me feel like a monster.”
I Don’t Miss People
“My big thing is that I never miss people.
I’ve had several friends and family tell me they miss me but I feel forced to say it back. It’s not that I don’t love them or that I don’t want to see them; it feels impossible for me to genuinely miss people.”
Hit And Run
“My big secret is that I caused a hit and run accident.
I had this big scrape on my car and told everyone it happened when I turned too fast and slid on ice into a guardrail. I envisioned it so many times I can remember it as if it were a real memory.
Both are memories. I know which is real but the false one is more vivid.
In my defense, the guy was illegally parked.”
Online Dating
“A pretty big thing I’m living with is that I’m addicted to attention from men I met online because no one else gives it to me or acknowledges me.”
Living Indifferently
“My secret is that I feel emotionally detached to most things in life, this is particularly challenging when socializing as I often voice my disinterest when not paying particular attention.
Just to clarify, it isn’t depression. I struggle to achieve emotional attachment, but can and have achieved it. For example, in social situations, I’d just be detached, and it would take a lot to spur an emotional response from me. I have subjects that I care about, but outside of that narrow range, it’s mostly blank expression and indifference.”
Feeling Emotions, Or Lack Thereof
“One day when I was about 15, I woke up and didn’t feel emotions the same way.
It was like all my positive emotions went out the window. As I’ve gotten older, I feel less and less. My mother has been in and out of the hospital with sickle cell related issues as of late, and I’m not even sad. My mother single-handedly did everything for me to make sure I got everything I needed, and I’m not even upset at the idea that she could die alone in the hospital.
I’m afraid one day I won’t feel anything, and I’ll become an empty husk of a man. I’m already at the point where I believe that no matter where I go in life, I will never be happy.”
Stop Ducking Around
“I’ve never admitted this before, but you know how when your phone corrects curse words to ‘ducking?’ Well, I thought ducking meant acting like a duck as opposed to crouching down. I am a Ph.D. student.”
Monogamy
“My family sees me in a different way than I actually am.
I am a 26-year-old man with regular long-term girlfriends. As far as all my friends and family know, I am straight and fairly conservative.
In reality, I am interested in both women and men and addicted to intercourse. I’ve slept with what I can estimate is over 300 men in the last three years (I’ve never tested positive for an STD, shockingly). Last week I slept with a different guy every day of the week. I’ve had three or more different partners in one day who weren’t aware of each other. When I go through these phases, it completely consumes my life and all of my time.
Then I find a girlfriend and I’m monogamous, it’s bizarre, I don’t get it.”
Too Attached
“Something I rarely talk about is how I get too attached to everyone way too quickly, and I wish I could provide for all of them enough so they could basically do whatever they wanted without worrying. Also, I want someone to cuddle with forever.”
Past Mistakes
“My drinking career in my early-to-mid-20s led to irreversible damage to my pancreas (chronic pancreatitis). The pain is excruciating at times, and I now take 30 pills a day to help with digestion and pain management. My pancreas will eventually burn out, leaving me diabetic and incapable of digesting fat/protein without medication.
I’ve told no one but my wife due to the shame I feel over those selfish and reckless years.”
Family Tree
“A secret of mine is that my family life is worse than people think.
My parents got married because my mom got pregnant with my oldest sister. I guess it wasn’t that bad of a decision because they had two more kids, my middle and youngest sister, who are all older than me.
Things start to go downhill after kids number two and three were born.
Both my parents are jerks in their own way, and I guess the problems in their marriage didn’t come out until they had kids. So, 8 years passed and their marriage was worse than ever. A marriage counselor told my parents to have another kid. Surprise, surprise that kid was me. I’m sure they wanted another girl. They ended up with me, a guy, instead. I was a disappointment from the start.
I was supposed to fix their marriage, make everyone happier and give their relationship some legs to stand on. It was an immediate disaster. Both of my parents became physically abusive. My dad was already this way before I was born but returned to his old ways. My mom was new to this sort of punishment and hit me for the smallest things. Once, I didn’t want to go to the gym with her (she wanted me to be a sports star for some reason) and she picked me up off of my bed. I was around 8 years old at the time and threw me onto the ground, shouting at me and blaming me for her outburst.
But it was because of this abuse and neglect, that my sister got knocked up when she was 17 years old. My mother insulted her, and my dad threw her out of his car when he found out (he later returned but only after three hours). She decided to keep the baby and my niece was born at the worst time it was to be born in our family. My sister left my niece with our family so she could go to college, and my parents had a second shot at solving their marriage with a kid, but ignored it and continued their tirade against their children for another four years.
They treated my niece like royalty, and she was spoiled for a while but got better when my oldest sister, now out of college, took my niece to live with her. Now my parents just had my two sisters and me to harass.
The fourth grade rolled around, and my parents got a divorce, FINALLY. My sisters and I were so happy about this news. But it got worse. It turned out my dad had cheated on my mom and my mom was furious about it. She told my sisters lies about how bad of a dad he was, and got them to hate him. I was the only one who went back and forth between the two parents and was used as ammunition.
Eventually, sisters two and three graduate, and I was alone. Sister three started having problems with substance abuse and problems with depression and anxiety. My parents denied it for years. Sister two started having problems with depression and anxiety. My parents did the same thing. I started having problems with depression and anxiety. I saw my parents react to my sisters and didn’t tell them but campaigned for my sister’s treatment. They finally gave in, and my sisters are there now. Fast forward a year later, and my sisters dating great guys who I love dearly and are doing great.
But my parents have started to use me as a weapon against the other.”
Wanting To Break Up
“I can’t stand my girlfriend most days. I mostly stay for the puppy, the financial security, and the off-chance that she’ll want to have intercourse with me.”