Ladies often try to be polite on dates, but sometimes it's just SO damn hard --- especially when the guy is a huge creep!
Always Check If Your Online Date Is Actually A Pyromaniac First
I met this guy online and he seemed normal, so I agreed to meet. At lunch, he told me that he's kind of known as an a*shole — that he's kind of gruff and this one time a coworker asked if he needed a hug. My date told that coworker that if he hugged him, he would light his shirt on fire. The hug happened and he lit the guy's shirt on fire. My date laughed hysterically and said he'd done this two other times. I quickly excused myself to the bathroom and never came back.
He Actually Started Crying…
My date told me how much he missed his mom and started crying because the music reminded him of her. She's alive and all. Just wasn't there at the restaurant with us.
Nope, Nope, Nope!
"So. You're like, uglier than I expected. I normally date, like, 9s and above. You might be too ugly for me, but we'll see." I straight up left. Didn't need to hear anything else.
Netflix And Chill The Heck Away From Me
On a fourth date, he came to my place to watch some movies. He was being really obnoxious and saying all of this crap that made me think he viewed himself as a kind of god. I asked him "Has anyone ever called you a megalomaniac?" He said "Yes actually." I said "You can leave now." He left. It was pretty abrupt, but he was just pissing me off so much.
That Marriage Baggage
I figured out halfway through a date that the guy was married. He excused himself to take a "business" call in the foyer, so I went to pee while he was gone and walked through the foyer to get to the bathroom. Heard him on the phone – definitely not a business call. Went back to the table, saw his wedding ring. I asked him about it, and he blanched and then just started apologizing and saying that his marriage was on the rocks. I just got up and left.
Enough Is Enough
We were walking around a park talking, when he told me he worked a few hours a month at a theatre, lived in a dingy hotel on the other side of town, and walked an hour to meet me. Then he asked if could I buy him a coffee? He's broke.
Also, when we were walking around I noticed him pick up a ciggie butt off the ground. I called him out on it for being disgusting, and he pretended he was joking and he'd toss it. Five minutes later he was lighting it up. UGH. I told him I was heading home. He had the nerve to ask if he could come with me! Ew!
If Your Date Brings Out A Bible, That’s Probably A Red Flag
I met my date at a wine bar. Things were pretty normal until he pulled out his Bible and started reading me all the parts where a woman's place is in the kitchen serving men. Then after I said I needed to go home, he walked me outside where he proceeded to take his shirt off and showed me his lighthouse tattoos. It was so weird and awkward.
Three’s Definitely A Crowd
The guy brought his roommate and hadn't given me warning that there would be someone else joining us on our date. The roommate turned out to be a different guy I had gone on a date with. So I took one look at them and said, "Yeah, this is gonna be awkward. You guys have a good time" and went on my way.
A Little Jog Through The Mall
I went on a date with this guy I met through a mutual friend. We went to the mall to kill some time before our movie, and while we were walking around, I heard a girl from the floor above us yell his name. He looked up, made this weird face, grabbed my hand and we ran like hell. I was so confused. While we were running he told me, "that's the b*tch I fingered!"
Here’s What You Can Do With Your “Diet Plan”
I met a guy on OK Cupid who seemed cool via chat and texting, so we met up. He asked about my tattoos, and when I started to tell him, he cut me off and said "People who talk about their tattoos too much always come off so pretentious." OK, buddy, you asked me. Then he started to describe his "super original" idea for a tattoo, which was a yin-yang with a dragon, a tiger and symbols for the elements. Yeah, super original. The last straw was when he commented on what I had ordered to eat and offered to create a diet plan for me to lose weight. I finished my meal with minimal talking, paid my bill, looked him right in the eye and walked out. I think he knew he fucked up, because he never texted me to ask why.
There Is Such A Thing As Oversharing
The guy seemed nice enough, but after I had taken about two bites of my pizza, he told me that he really liked to go hunting with his father. I didn't have a problem with that—I eat meat and know where it comes from—but he just kept going on about how much fun it was. His favorite part about it, apparently, was to stick his hand inside the deer's belly and take out the organs while they were still warm. I was still eating and this was a first date, so I just got up, paid for my part of the meal and told him that I did not feel comfortable with continuing the date.
The Movie From Hell
We'd been on 3 or 4 dates already when he asked me to the movies. He was a good guy, but he was always late for dates. I'm talking 45 minutes late, regularly. So I said yes to the movie but let him know that I really hate being late. Huge pet peeve of mine. He swore he'd be on time – early even.
Of course, he was late. When we got to the theater, the movie was already 15 minutes in. Then I quickly realized he was That Guy – talked constantly at full volume in a crowded theater, asked me questions about what was going on on-screen, etc. I got so frustrated I "went to the bathroom," where I called a friend to pick me up. I just couldn't handle it for one more minute.
The Cigarette Break For Freedom
A guy on Plenty of Fish asked me to meet him at an trendy restaurant for a glass of wine. What he did not mention was that it was the restaurant he worked at (I knew he worked at a restaurant, just not which one). He spent the entire time complaining about the restaurant and how horrible it was working there, all while holding mini-conversations with anyone who walked by about similar topics. The third time in 45 minutes that he asked me to accompany him to the parking lot for a cigarette, I discreetly ordered an Uber and made my escape.
The King Of Idiotic Questions
I was willing to look past that he looked nothing like his picture on Plenty of Fish; he was at least 10 years older, but had a weathered 20. But he also peppered the conversation with comments like, "Damn, your boobs are way bigger than your pic suggests," "Your ex-husband must be an idiot; I would have never let you out of bed" and "Is it true redheads are great in bed?" Whatever, I walked out.
This Catholic Woman Had God On Her Side
We talked for a few weeks on OkCupid before the date. Right off the bat, he interrupted and discounted everything I said. He also said he noticed on my profile that I was raised Catholic and then launched into a rant about how religious fanatics are all morons.
So then I just started making up random things about myself to mess with him, like how I was planning on minoring in theology and I go to church everyday. I waited until we finished dinner (best place in town, after all), ordered dessert and excused myself to the bathroom. And I just left. My phone died and when I plugged it in a few hours later, I had 67 missed calls and texts about what a "dumb little whore" and "user slutbag" I was being. He texted me for two weeks incessantly until I changed my number.
What A Mama’s Boy
We went to a local bar to shoot some pool, and the dude answered a phone call from his mother 15 minutes into our first date. Not one of those "My mom is sick/a family member is sick/some other necessary quick check-in call." This was about her wanting to give him clothes and a couch from his brother or some shit. He sat there and chatted with her for 10 minutes. Not once did he say "Mom I gotta go, I'm on a date" or anything of the sort. Then acted like it was totally normal after hanging up. I went to the bathroom and left out the back door.
Poisoned By His Lack Of Motorcycle Knowledge
We were both into motorcycles, so we set up our first date. What made me call the date off was him arguing about the new Ducati Scrambler. I was telling him how excited I was to finally see it at an upcoming bike show. He said there must be some at dealer to demo. I let him know they weren't even released yet, and the first time we could see them was at this bike show. He argued that there must be demos over and over again before I snapped and told him that I know pretty much everything about the models, when they are released, who's getting what and when, accessories available — like, everything. He still argued.
On date day, I made an excuse for not being able to go. He texted the next day saying he got food poisoning from the dinner he had to have instead of the dinner we were supposed to enjoy out together. I laughed so hard.